The food has started coming. Gifts of food from friends. Who have all done this before. Too often, too recently.
I’m not hungry
I hate stoves like this, all flat taking forever to warm up and even longer to cool down. It’s too hot for this shit
I don’t want to be gone from the hospital for too long. What if something happens?
I don’t want to go to the hospital. What if nothing happens? What if the wrong things happen?
Maybe I’m doing it wrong. Maybe if I said the right thing, did the right thing, maybe then she’d get better
Maybe I’m failing
If we got the marimba band from next door to come over and play in the ICU, would that help?
I walk to the hospital and back. It feels nice to be in the air. People all along the road have planted these nice gardens and I want to thank them because tigerlilies make the world a better place.
When I leave the hospital for the day, I pick a lavender sprig from one of the bushes on the hospital grounds. I think briefly about how ragged the bushes would get if everyone did that. I do it anyway. I sniff the lavender all the way home.
I may hate the smell of lavender after this.
